Choosing Me Is No Longer The Hard Part

Healing from the trauma my eight-year marriage caused me left me some nights of tear-stained pillows. I cried at 12am New Year Day as I heard fireworks go off from my hotel room.

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Eli and Alina were asleep in bed as I stood with the window slightly opened, holding onto one of the cream beige curtains. I made it to 2022 without him physically with or around me. Him being my husband. After spending damn near nine years of welcoming in the New Year with him,

I never knew how it truly felt to be alone, even with the comfort of having my kids nearby me. I paced around my hotel room with one of my hands covering my mouth in tears. I felt joy because I knew that I dealt with suicidal thoughts in October of 2021 before having the strength to leave him physically. I was thankful to be here.

I no longer fault myself for loving so naïvely and blindly. On New Year’s Eve, I went out and purchased my first bill phone. A bill phone is something that I always wanted but never had in my life until now. I recall begging my husband as if I were a little girl for an upgraded iPhone. He used to tell me no because the phone bill would be too expensive for him to pay and that I didn’t need it.

My phone battery had to give out for him to make the sound decision to purchase me a new phone. As time progressed, I watched him go…